I’m drunk and lookin’ to kick my own ass.

Why kick my own ass? 1. I’m too old to kick anyone else’s. 2. I deserve it for continuing to follow this team. 3. It will be better than any ass-kicking a Canuck player has served up this year.

This is what happens when you go to Cuba on vacation comfortable that your team is well placed top make the playoffs and possibly defend a division title; you get crapped on. Coming home to watch the Canucks suck this bad is akin to the snow finally melting in this god forsaken area of the world only to reveal months of accumulated dog shit that stinks up the whole city for weeks. What makes it worse? The Habs clinch a playoff spot at the same time and Jose “Fricken” Theodore comes back from the dead to lead the Avs’ past the Canucks for good measure.

Wait! That’s it! Find the Dr. Frankenstein who worked on resurrecting Theodore and see if he can do a mass experiment on a whole team! I suggest he starts with the players’ Hearts and Balls. You know what though…that would require something worth saving. Time, money and intelligence argue that it would be more efficient to just cut loose a core group of softies and start over. It’s okay…we’re used to rebuilding here in Vancouver…we’ve been at it for over 30 years. We’ll still show up for the games, we’ll still pay for food and parking. We’ll still get our hopes up and then shuffle off at the end of another crap-ass season…or…get so exited over winning a round of playoffs that you’d think we had won the bloody cup. I mean, the way we look back at our 2 trips to the finals is as though we’d won the Cup each time. Guess what? We didn’t!! Who did win the Cup twice in that same span?? The Habs. Salt in the wound. I have no argument left in me. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to shotgun my last beer and then beat the crap outta myself. I should film it…would be more entertaining than the last 5 Canuck games combined…but then Cowan might be out of a job.